Happy New Year! Am I still allowed to say that in February? I know I skipped right over the month of January....but seeing as how I opted out of cramming my way onto the L-Taraval and then transferring to the notorious 30-Stockton just to go see the Chinese New Year parade and all things dragon-related (FYI, it's the year of the dragon), there really wasn't much in the way of MUNI news or related experiences to report on. I admit that I missed an AMAZING opportunity to witness MUNI mayhem in all of its glory...anyone who has ever been on the 30-Stockton can attest to this...what, with the abundance of sleeping Asian men, pink plastic bags, and a sea of black hair all cut like Moe from the Three Stooges...I surely missed the bus on that one, pun intended.
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| This is how I picture the 30-Stockton in my head. |
So far, the MUNI of 2012 is a lot like the MUNI of 2011. I'm not sure what I was expecting....maybe buses that ran on time, an empty seat now and then, people to behave themselves...After all, isn't this the year that the world is supposed to come to an end?! Trust me, if you ever find yourself having to squeeze onto the 47 Van Ness going outbound at rush hour, you will pray that those Mayans were right and that your God will deliver you from evil...or at least deliver you from the tinny noise leaking from the headphones of the Asian man standing next to you who is rocking out to Enrique Iglesias!
I don't normally ride the 47, but lately I've been riding it on my way home from acupuncture and actually rode it back to the office after a mid-day work function last week. The 47 is always full of such random eclectic people...tourists coming from the wharf, suits coming from city hall or the courthouse, and Latinos on their way back down to the Mission. On this particular crowded ride, I was standing in the very back of the bus when a huge hulking beast of a black man got on about 2 minutes into the ride and entered through the back door....at the same exact time that a tall skinny douchey hipster type guy carrying a bicycle wheel entered through the front door. There was one empty seat available and it was obvious that they both had their sites set on it. Despising these "too cool for school" douchey hipster types like I do, I was secretly rooting for the big black man. You could tell that everyone else on the bus was covertly placing their bets in their heads as to how this was going to play out. Well, being lanky and moving stealthily has its benefits as the hipster reached the seat first and quickly planted his thrift-store-skinny jean-clad ass into the seat. He had won. Until...the big black man hovered over him and said, "This is nothing like Manhattan! Not sure if you remember, Bro, but you LOST the Civil War!".....Ummm, excuse me? What? Manhattan? Civil War? I was thoroughly confused. Now History is definitely not one of my stronger subjects...For example, if I was ever on Jeopardy and the Final Jeopardy category was "U.S. History", I would just scribble down in the form of a question, "Who were the Chappaquiddick Indians?"....just because I like saying "Chappaquiddick" and even if I was wrong, maybe everyone in TV land would be impressed with my correct spelling....but I digress! So, I really don't know what the Civil War or Manhattan had to do with anything, but like me, the hipster was so perplexed that he just said, "Oh, sorry", as if he really did understand what he meant and was in violation of some kind of unwritten MUNI etiquette and quickly relinquished his seat. Who said crazy can't get you anywhere? At least it got that guy a seat...and it may have even won him the Civil War for all I know!
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| Graffiti is the LEAST of your worries! |
Speaking of MUNI etiquette....here's a story for you...Now I've mentioned "Shoeless Joe Jackson" in a previous post and even had a video for you. Not sure what in the world would possess someone to go without shoes on MUNI, as I have seen EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING on the floor of a MUNI bus! I would even think twice about picking up a large sum of money from the floor of a bus (assuming that large sums of money just happen to be left on the floor of a bus!). Anywhoo...I'm riding the 71-Noriega home one night this week, and I hear someone at the far back of the bus speaking loudly and fairly incoherently....and then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of some Grateful Dead-Phish-tree hugging hippie-music emanating from the same vicinity. No explanation needed...it was one of those so called "homeless" trust fund kids that camp out in Golden Gate park. For those of you unfamiliar with the 71-Noriega, it runs down Haight Street (yes, THAT Haight Street...as in Haight Asbury...famous for hippies, drugs, rock in roll, Summer of Love, etc.). I call them "homeless trust fund kids" because a guy wearing Diesel jeans, a North Face jacket, and Timberland boots doesn't exactly look like he's hurting for cash...He probably ran away from his home in Marin county because his mom and dad wouldn't let him set up his meth lab in their garage. They claim to be experts on anything tye-dyed and having to do with the Grateful Dead or Jerry Garcia, even though I'm willing to bet that Jerry died before some of these kids were even born! I'm not knocking Jerry or the Dead. They have their place in American history and certainly in San Francisco history, so I have to respect that. Hell, I even SAW the Dead when I was in high school. Don't judge. We've all made questionable decisions in our past...and so I guess I could forgive anyone's choice in music....unless your choice is Miley Cyrus. That's just unforgivable! However, I think I speak for the whole bus when I say that no one wants to hear the long version of "Dark Star" from some bootleg 1973 Apple Juice Session recording while you're on the bus...at least not while you're SOBER on the bus! So I take a gander back to the rear of the bus and notice said wannabe-homeless-trust fund-hippie kid sitting with his filthy bare feet across the seat resting on (who I can only assume is) his girlfriend's lap. Now I've done a lot for love...(moved across country, majored in Marketing, watched an entire New Year's Eve ball drop on Telemundo), but I'll be damned if I would allow ANYONE to put their filthy feet on my lap. On a bus. In public. But apparently, she LOOOOVES her man because she then proceeded to rub them and pick out the lint from between his toes. Ah, true love!
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| Apparently, this is a common occurrence. |
One major part (and possibly the most important part) of MUNI that has always fascinated me are the drivers. Mostly because I try to envision myself driving one of these buses and the mere thought conjures up a feeling of fear that will most likely culminate into explosive diarrhea if I don't get the thought out of my head. So how anyone can drive one of these vehicles day after day, year after year, is totally lost on me...unless I stop and consider that the starting salary for drivers is around $63K. I like to think of it as hazard pay. Who needs 4 years of college and 20 years of work experience?! Not me, apparently...as I have both of those things and am earning less than that! Add to that the fact that most drivers can't even speak the language...or speak it well enough for you to comprehend what is being blasted over the speakers in what can only be called a "Charlie Brown teacher's" kind of voice. The majority of drivers won't really give you the time of day, even though there's a sign right next to them that reads, "Information gladly given, but safety requires unnecessary conversation." Somehow I doubt that the information provided is gladly given. Begrudgingly, yes. Gladly? Doubtful. That's why whenever you come across a friendly driver, you almost feel as though you have won the MUNI lottery. There is one such driver who routinely drives the 71 Noriega and every time I find myself waiting at the corner of Frederick and Stanyan, I say a little silent prayer to the MUNI gods that the "Singing Bus Driver" will stop and pick me up. That's right! The SINGING bus driver! He's a portly kind of fellow with bronze skin and a certain soothing vibrato. He welcomes you onto the bus with a melodic, "HellllooOO, please hoollLd OOon!". I love it! I eat it up, can't get my fill, and come back for more!! As the kids would say, "He's awesome to the max plus tax!". He instantly transforms you into a better mood as he belts out EVERY single stop and coordinating bus routes...As in, "Nineteeeenth AAAvenuuue, Twentyyy Eiiiigghht Liiiiine!" or "NorrriEEEGGAAAA", "JuuUUUdaaah", or a simple "Have a gooOOD EEEEveniiiiing". So, either he's gone crazy or he really LOVES his job...I'm sure it's the latter. I'm not sure how the rest of the riders feel about him. I've noticed some sideways glances and some smirks...but I think deep down, everyone secretly gets a kick out of it!
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| Aforementioned sign. |
Recently, I've changed my work hours so that I am coming and going earlier than usual...as a result, I have discovered some new drivers and some new interesting riders. One of the new drivers is on the K/T-Third Avenue train in the morning. He seems normal enough...although I've never actually seen him. I've only heard him. He will say regular "driver type" things such as, "Don't forget to gather your belongings before you exit the train", etc. But what makes him special is his accent. Let me rephrase that...99.999% of MUNI drivers have some kind of accent. It's what he says (and maybe more what it sounds like) at every stop...As you go to step off the train, you will hear him exclaim in his joyful Latino accent, "Hab a gooood day, eberybowdy! An rememer...MUNI Lowv jew!". Now I ask you, unless you are cold and heartless, how could that NOT make you giggle to yourself? If I could have a microphone at work, a captive audience, and permission to speak my mind there'd be no stopping me! But since that kind of behavior is frowned upon by "the man", guess this blog will have to fulfill that dream for me!
To keep up with the kids, I have broken down and signed up for a Twitter account to be used in conjunction with this blog. I swore I would never do it...but I did. I drank the Kool-Aid. I'll be tweeting daily on my MUNI commute! Feel free to follow me at: @IRideMUNI
Recently, a couple of you have shared your own pictures or stories with me and I LOVE it! Keep them coming and I may post them on here for all to enjoy!
Erin recently shared a story from another popular MUNI blog, "The Muni Diaries", and even though they are my competitions, it was so good that I wanted to share it with all of you: http://www.munidiaries.com/2012/01/19/jack-in-the-box-jackinthebox/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=jack-in-the-box-jackinthebox
Angie also shared a picture that has kept me in stitches for the last few days...I must admit, I wish I would have seen this little gem in person!
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| "She'd be a nice girl if she would just loosen up and pull that stick out of her ass!" |
Thanks for riding MUNI and rememer...MUNI LOWV JEW!
Yours Truly
Oooh! I almost forgot, here's your SAM:
