Hope that you all are enjoying Summer wherever you are. Summer is in full swing here in the City by the Bay...the Giants are pitching well, the fog has settled over the Sunset District, and locals are busy playing "Lesbian or German Tourist?". Speaking of lesbians...and all of our LGBTQQ friends, this past weekend was the SF Pride Celebration, which basically equates to the most biggest-craziest-drunkeness-throw all caution to the windness-reason to ride topless down Market Street on a scooter day!! I'm not sure what it is about this city that makes people want to get naked?? I'm also not sure what it is about this nakedness that makes us clothed people just accept it or pretend that it's not happening...HELLOOOO, my eyes are up here!! Now I've seen plenty of birthday suits (most of which need to be dry cleaned and taken in!) in this City, but there's just something about Pride that brings this city together in its acceptance of all things and all people...for one weekend, we actually all manage to get along. People come from far and wide (ie, the German tourists!) to partake in the debauchery, and it's fun to see the City through the eyes of someone experiencing their first Pride...or their first Muni ride! And when Pride and Muni become one, it may look something like this:
 |
| Muni bus decked out for Pride! |
 |
| Scary! |
Speaking of Queens, did you all tune in to the Queen's Diamond Jubilee bash that was going on across the pond?? I heard that it was 'pissing rain', as one of my English co-workers put it and that it was really a 'bit of a bore' to watch all of those boats float down the river. I managed to tune in to the concert part of the celebration just in time to have Grace Jones scare the shit out of me! Seriously...I dare ANYONE to name one Grace Jones song...just one! She's not a singer! When anyone says the word "singer", NO ONE thinks of Grace Jones. NO ONE! I really feel that her sole purpose in life is to scare the crap out of people...That would explain why Prince Philip was nowhere to be found. Although I can't blame him. If I was forced to attend that concert, I might fake a heart attack or complain of "exhaustion" just to get away from her! No one wants to see a 64 year old Amazon (ok, she's from Jamaica but who cares?!) flapping around on stage...in a hula hoop no less! A. HULA. HOOP! I'm not sure what could have topped that, but seeing as how it was the "Queen's" Jubilee...I'm sure Elton John put on quite a show. Now THAT is someone I would gladly PAY to watch hula hoop! I can see it now...wig, cape, and oversized sunglasses be damned! Personally, I think 'Diamond Jubilee' sounds like a dessert...and if it was, I definitely would have ordered it!
 |
| Birdman...(aka, British Ass Hat) |
This got me thinking, what would happen if we DID host the Olympics? Well, after peeing on myself with excitement, I'm sure I would start thinking of ways to parlay myself into some events. I think the Olympics would be way more fun if the athletes had to compete in events that were specific to the host city. For example, athletes this year would have to platform dive off of London bridge or complete a full English tea service without spilling a drop...or translate the following sentence, "I romped a tipsy whazzock from the boozer" WHAT?! My point exactly! Well, apparently there are talks of us hosting the 2020 Olympics...I think it's down to us, Qatar, Tokyo, and Philadelphia. Philly?? I KNOW we have them beat...and Qatar?! People don't even know how to pronounce Qatar. A 'Q' without a 'U' is just too much for most of us to wrap our heads around. I'm betting that we get beat out by the Asians again...as usual..(or at least on Muni!).
If we hosted the Olympics, I could see athletes competing in events like the Bay Bridge backup, the Triple Right Turn (which equates into a left turn) and the Panhandler Dodging competition. But lets face it, the one thing that make this city what it is is its transit system. Muni could host their own events like the Bus Stop Sprint, Applying Makeup During the Morning Commute, and the China Town Heptathlon...consisting of boxing out your opponents to get on the bus first, sprinting to a seat that does not have a 'mystery puddle' on it, holding your breath from the stench, avoiding eye contact from opponents that you previously boxed out, bobbing and weaving down the center aisle to the door, and finally...opening the rear door of the bus without having to shout, "BACKDOORPLEASE!"...all while trying to avoid catching Hepatitis...hence, HEPtathlon! Yes, if Muni had their own Olympics, I'm sure I could win a medal...or at least qualify for the medal round. Maybe they wouldn't hand out medals at all...maybe you would just win a monthly pass...or more likely in this city, you would be forced to put on a pair of ass-less chaps and parade around town draped in the flag of your country! Hmmm...don't think I'm ready for ass-less chaps just yet. I know, I know...get it out of your head! But the next Summer Olympics in 2016 will be in Rio, and word has it that they have even more nakedness than we do! Basically, our Pride is the little bitchy step-sister to Rio's Carnival...after all, they invented nakedness! I can only imagine what their city-specific events would be like. Thong, anyone?!Here's your SAM:
I'm really enjoying this Twitter thing, so if you're not following me yet, click on the link below! I share tweets about the commute and random things seen on Muni...as well as re-tweeting and sharing other Muni horror stories from my followers!
