MUNI P's and Q's

Whenever I went anywhere as a small child, I was always hearing the phrase, "Be sure to mind your P's and Q's!". When I heard this, my school-age brain always pictured a plate with peas on it and trying to walk while holding the plate so that none of the peas rolled off onto the floor (as peas tend to do)...hence, "minding my peas". I never could quite wrap my head around what the "q's" were except that they came after the "p's" in the alphabet.  It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that when I heard that phrase again, I realized my mother was trying to be funny and that the "P's and Q's" she was talking about were actually "Please and Thank You's". I've been thinking about this a lot lately while riding MUNI, and realize that more adults should have had a mother like mine!

One would think that if you were raised in any kind of a society where you had to interact with other people, you would come to learn certain social rules if you will....Meaning that the only people who should be ignorant of these social rules would be the ones raised by wolves. And it is more common that you would think...I once had a fascination with researching stories of "feral children". In fact when you type the word "feral" into Google, "feral children" is third on the list in the drop down menu! (You just tried that, didn't you?) Yes, feral children! These are children raised by wolves, bears, cats or other animals in the wild. These children are usually abandoned or victims of some horrible circumstances that led to them being raised in the wild...or like my comic friend, Karen Smyth says, maybe their parents just weren't ready for an indoor baby. Who knows?! My point is that after riding MUNI for 10+ years, it has become apparent that some of my fellow riders were raised by wolves!

While riding MUNI, there are some general social rules that one should adhere to. I probably should have mentioned these from the beginning, I feel the need to outline a few of them now:

1.  MOVE OVER!
-This means, don't hog up the seat next to you with your backpack, pink plastic bags, or moving boxes. I paid my fare and I want a seat! It also means move to the back of the bus so other people can get on. Or, move over on the platform if the arriving train is not the train you intend to board. I realize that there is that inbred feral instinct to remain huddled in a pack, but seriously...MOVE OVER!

2.  GET UP!
-If an elderly blind woman gets on the train, for crying out loud...GET UP!! If a frail little old blind woman doesn't deserve your seat, you sure as hell don't either! The same rule applies for obviously pregnant women...unless you intend on boiling water and ripping up bed sheets on a moving bus, GET UP! Don't sit there reading your book pretending like you "didn't see the sign". Puh-lease!!! You can obviously read, so read the sign above your head that says "These seats must be vacated for elderly or handicapped riders". So unless your "feral instincts" have taken over and you have peed on the seat to claim your territory, GET UP!

3. DON'T BE A PIG!
-This rule should probably be top of the list...anyhow, here goes...don't litter, "accidentally" drop your newspaper under the seat, leave your beer bottles to roll around on the floor, or leave remnants of your lunch on the seat next to you. Unlike wolves, you have opposable thumbs...use them, hold onto your trash, and dispose of it properly.

4.  DON'T BE A PIG! (Part deux in 3D)
-MUNI is no place to conduct your personal hygiene matters. This goes for clipping your nails (both finger and toes!), don't brush your hair, put on makeup, blow snot rockets, spit on the floor, or brush your teeth! Unless your bathroom is on wheels and regularly filled with 50 other people, what makes you feel that this ok?!? I'm guessing it's that "feral need" to attract a mate...you know how certain birds display or preen their feathers (think peacock)...Hmmm...now I'm thinking, "mind your PEAcock and Q's"??

5. MIND YOUR BUSINESS!
-You don't need to look over my shoulder to read the paper or pretend to be reading your own paper while taking sneak peeks at my iPhone to see what game I might be playing and/or what my text messages say. I also think this could apply while listening to your own music...keep your Lady Gaga Superpussy Paparazzi Thundermix Remix to yourself! You have headphones for a reason.

6. RESPECT MY DETERRENTS
-This means that if I have my headphones on, am wearing sunglasses, and reading a book all at the same time, I don't want to be bothered! These are the universal "freak deterrents"...for without them, surely every homeless-high-cracked out-toothless-stinky-could be a tourist-first time rider-full of questions and random small talk-FREAK will seek me out and try to be my new BFF. Even wild animals have deterrents...think skunks!

Keep in mind that these rules apply to buses, trains, trolleys, station platforms, bus stops, and escalators. I've included a few pictures of those who were obviously raised by wolves and not by a lesson teaching pun maker like I was!

This bench easily seats 4 people...but NOT TODAY!

Mind your own BEESWAX, Gramps! The earphones are on and clearly he has reached a new level of Angry Birds that you just wouldn't understand!

While I appreciate the earphones, move that Barney backpack!

Here's your SAM of the week:

Remember to be nice to people and for those of you raising "outdoor babies"...maybe it's time you bring them in. After all, they'll only get in fights with other outdoor babies and get into the garbage.

Thank you for riding MUNI,

Yours Truly